now i can relax


well, kinda. i still have to work and render ot.
but but but....

sem break has officially begun. :D

i can now ditch my school books and resume reading novels. yey! :)
i'm gonna buy a copy of The House of Spirits by Chilean journalist/novelist Isabel Allende.

i've been hearing raves about the book. they say it's the most unexpected sensation since the emergence of Gabriel Garcia Marquez.


>><<


i'm paying a visit to the gym this week.

nooooo, i will not reactivate my membership. i'm transferring it to my friend. :D
i have given up fitness first (or any other gym) altogether. even a free membership will not appeal to me anymore. i am convinced that i am not a gym person. i'll do some other form of exercise instead. i'd rather walk or jog a thousand miles than work out at the gym. but i would want to try boxing. i tried kickboxing when i was in grade school and it was pretty good. boxing will not only help me stay fit (as if naman fit ako ngayon :P), it'll do wonders in releasing any rage i might have. so don't come near me if i'm angry aight?



>><<


i'm making one of my dreams come true today. i'll be heading to the fort after shift to try out cold rock ice cream. :D



>><<


i need help with my comments link. i used the same code and everything, and i even tried using the wizard in haloscan but it's still not working.

paging my personal blog TS people... twin? deej? mistress ice? anyone? *beautiful eyes*



>><<


hi love. ;)
i'll see you this week?

*kisses*



==

OT galore. ice cream galore.


i've been working 8 days straight now. and i won't get a rest day until after 11 days. i've sacrificed my rest days to work overtime for a special project. i don't know why i agreed to render OT.

hindi sya nakakatuwa. :( my colleagues and i are regretting our decision to work 7x a week. what the hell were we thinking???


====





cold rock ice cream is now here in manila!!!! i remember seeing this on lifestyle network and i was really hoping that we would have it here too. i even wanted to make a business similar to it. :) hehe.

hmmm...they're not offering ice cream buffet (my ultimate ice cream dream), so i guess that's the kind of business i'll engage in. ;)





the moment that Promil Kid told me about cold rock being available here, i couldn't stop thinking about it. we've scheduled a trip to The Fort to pig out, but that won't be until next week. :( ang tagaaaaaaaaal! pwede bang mauna na nga ako dun? :P

just reading about their selections made me drool:

Macadamia, White Chocolate, Aussie Vanilla, Tia Maria, Butterscotch, Caramel, Banana, Strawberry, Boysenberry, Coffee, Cookies & Cream, Double Chocolate, Chocolate Chip, Choc Mint, Rum & Raisin, Cheesecake, English Toffee, Honeycomb,
Licorice, Tiramisu.

o diba? :) wla pang mix-ins yan! i can choose from the following: Mars, Snickers, Cherry Ripe, Bounty, Crunchie, M&M's, Milky Way, Gummi Bears, Maltesers, Tim Tams, Flake, Violet Crumble, Picnic, Caramello Koalas, Marshmallows, Nerds, Sour Lollies, Sherbert, Freckles, Fudge, Kit Kat, Oreo Biscuits, Rocky Road.

i'll go on a diet next year. :P


visit the most heavenly website and drool with me!


Promil Kid, kasalanan mo to. nde ako makakatulog talaga neto eh. :)


*photos (and my anxiety) courtesy of www.coldrock.com.au


==

yen and you


bring me a banquet of reverie
of naked, uncompelled vow

a fool's paradise in your eyes
a painting of misery in mine

collecting the days so few
of shady kisses
and borrowed time

your hushed beauty
impairs me inwardly

blow mercy towards me
i crave

i ache



-- jarjar.10.07.05 --


==

enrapture


it is when you walk away
that i let the taste
return to my lips

when you have freed
the spell and passion
that immoderately touched
every surface of me

when only the humming of the sheets
and the scent of your being
penetrate my senses

then, only then,
can i selfishly absorb you
until i, alone, possess you


-- jarjar.10.04.05 --


==

second serving


so everyone made it a point to tell me the big news. clearly, they think that i'm still hung up on you.

oh.

my.

gawd.


if you ask me, i thought it was funny. really. at kulang nalang sabihin nila saken, "jarjar, this is your chance!"

i would've told them flat-out that i don't care. but some people have a ridiculous attitude of translating my nonchalance over the issue as bitterness. diba diba? ;)
this whole announcement of you being single again made me confirm that: one, i am over you. and two, that i don't dig single guys (hahaha!!!!!).

yeah. that was a joke. and if you didn't know which one, then you don't really know me that well.

if anything, i'm glad we're in speaking terms again. and maybe i will unblock you in my msn list now.



>>><<<<


over the weekend, Salam, OC and i finally tried Makati Shangri-la's Ultimate Chocolate Buffet. as expected, it was a bit pricey but it was worth it because i was with the company of great friends. bonding with my best buddies always gives me a high.

i'm a chocolate monster but buffets aren't really for me. lugi lang talaga ako parati. :P for a buffet, we didn't really eat that much. but still, Salam and OC were complaining of having upset stomachs as we left the hotel. i was the only one whose stomach wasn't grumbling the entire night. hmmm...hiyang talaga tyan ko sa tsokolate? :) dapat lang. pinaglihi ako dun eh. :D

what i wanna try next time is an cream buffet. san ba meron nun? syeeeeeeet. panalo yun. kahit mapaos paos na ko.



>>><<<<


finals week!

let's see...i have to survive the following: 2 final exams, 5 reaction papers, 1 thesis critique, 1 linguistic analysis of an editorial. and to think that i just have 2 subjects this sem! pasaway tong isang prof eh. 7 out of the 9 requirements i mentioned is just for her subject.

so forgive me if i'll be anti social this week ok. ;) i'll be in my busiest mode. and i was recently hired for the wfh vcc thing (sorry sa mga hindi maka-relate :P) too. yeah, i'm doing that on top of my other job which is like in dormant status right now. *sigh*

i can't wait for this sem to be over. i wasn't really impressed with my professors this sem. tsk tsk. my classmates and i evaluated them poorly. hey, they deserve it right? they should be ashamed. we did not enroll in the state university for nothing. at grad students na kme utang na loob. nde na kme pwede bolahin.

i am rewarding myself with a vacation this sem break. bes, i can smell BKK already! ;) am sooo looking forward to this trip!


==

my life in a coma


i am ready for anything dangerous. but it turns out that that i'm just convincing myself that i am.

in truth i still feel that something about me is stranded on a high dive, hesitant to leap into unknown waters. unsafe waters. maybe i just want to postpone the plunge awhile. i almost wish that my senses were dulled.

i am stupefied all at once how the world is out there continuously evolving. and here i am, suspended....


...yet again.



i am caught in a disturbing crevice between living my life and not living it; between taking the risk and not taking it; between letting my defenses down and building my wall; between spilling out my secret and keeping it.

crucial decisions that i have to make on my own. ON. MY. OWN. and with no consultations taking place. even if every bone in my body tells me that i have to talk to someone for advice, i just couldn't do it. i don't know where or how to start. i prefer letting my tears fall without anyone seeing it happen. crying had become a very private moment in the comforts of my room or in the familiar feel in my car.

either i head straight forward or stumble backward. i only hope that i get to make a decision soon -- whatever that may be.


==

i pray that God would give me patience. because if He gave me strength, i swear i would have broken at least your nose.
i would have used that strength for all the evil reasons.


>><<

i realized that it's hard to forgive an enemy.

harder to forgive a friend.

hardest to forgive a family member.



==

in your rhythm


despite steady pretense
and lavish masquerade
nothing
conceals the inner agony

in your presence
lingers
a whiff of comfort

only you
captures me
breathes me


and all is understood



--jarjar.09.09.05--



==

Salam's Day


happy birthday to the one and only legit princess i know! (that's not a nick or anything -- Salam is really a princess by blood)

here's to more years of wonderful friendship that will give us more "do you remember the time when..." conversations. :D hehe.
my life has truly been more exultant ever since we became friends.


pano ba yan, one year to go nalang...at mag ppropose ka na. :P


pics from the (soloflight?) dinner turned coffee turned spontaneous gimmick slash your birthday celebration last friday (haba nun ah!). at sinuyod na yata naten buong ortigas nun! we were hopping from one place to the next!




how many people can say that their best friend is a princess? :)



squeeze in!



the princess with the twins



kame ulet



the birthday girl, with 3 friends who were only on lunch break that night. buhay call center! so dynamic!



girls, i miss our Dome breakfast days...



bes cguro soul mates din tayo. haha!


thanks bes. you've always been the first person to support me in anything i do. :) at tuwa naman ako boto ka kay....hehe.... ;) gimmick tayong tatlo one of these days...



love you!


==

if you have nothing better to do tomorrow night, tune in to Monster Radio RX 93.1 at 8:30 pm.

listen closely, because one of the guests' voice belongs to someone you might just know. ;)



==

cocoy


for making me laugh...
for drying my tears...
for giving me comfort...
for being my walking journal...
for making fun of my being jumpy (tamang pang scary movie talaga ko eh!)...
for the numerous times you've accompanied me to starbucks and 31st...
for all the nonsense and wacky moments...
for all the serious and enlightening talks...
for making my 26th birthday memorable by bringing the entire MMIT team (kasama si crush! hehe)...
for making sure that i'm doing just fine (thanks to my blog noh! hehe)...


thank you. :)


i will miss you terribly. i can't believe that i won't be seeing you again until after 10 years or so! *sigh* i'm glad that rinier and i drove you to the airport on the day of your flight. ganun ka namen ka love. *sniff* with the exception of family members, you're the only person that i've accompanied to the airport. :)

basta coy, pag malungkot ka, just think about the 360 perry ellis perfumed tissue story . :D

have a wonderful life in Utah. your friends back here in Manila will always be praying for you and your family.


some of our pics...



sykes party at picc



when i'm not working, i'm bugging you at your office :)



sorry i couldn't fulfill your threesome fantasy, hanggang picture lang tayong 3! :P



saying our last goodbyes at the NAIA



ingat ka palagi coy. you keep in touch ok. and i will fulfill my promise -- that the next time we meet, i already have a kid. ;) and hopefully a husband too. :)


ps,
naiiyak na naman ako coy...


==

chestnuts roasting on an open fire



pasko naaaa!!!!!!

well, malapit na. :)

it's that time of the year again. days seem to go by faster during the last 4 months of the year.

at tatanda na naman ako ng isang taon.


==

does everyone really deserve a second chance?


yes?


then why am i depriving myself of that chance? i know i deserve it too. but there's this 4-letter word that's getting in the way....


fear.


i know. i have to overcome it.


==

i blog about happy moments too :)


in case there was a big big BIIIIG favor you've wanted to ask from me...


NOW IS THE PERFECT TIME TO DO IT.


because most likely, i won't say no.

i am, without a doubt, in the best of moods today. :) yep, i used the word best and not just good. it is THAT extreme that even if you treat me in the nastiest way possible, i would still give you my sweetest smile and wish that my giddiness will rub off on you.


so there. take advantage. :)



amgine, don't worry sis. i may have been blogging about tough moments in my life these days, but i'm still finding reasons to smile. ako pa? :)



>><<

i spent the day girl bonding with my best friend Salam. in between bites of shrimp hakaw (our favorite!) she was saying, "dami na nateng pinagdaanan, now we're happy. siguro, sabi ni God: 'tama na muna paghihirap ng dalawang 'to. it's time for them to be happy'. God is fair talaga noh."

yes He is. Salam and i feel ultimately blessed.


i just feel like hugging everyone.



>><<

in our class last friday, the professor said: "ang taong walang problema....ay panget."

huh?

"look at Mama Mary. it is believed that agony brings out the best in you, thus, making you beautiful."

i heard someone say, "sangkatutak problema ko. kaya pala ang ganda ko eh."

that made us laugh.


==

tightly holding a rose...with thorns



seeing you now as the person that you've become, i couldn't help but shudder.
i once considered you as the only person there is to adore.

but i've grown up. i'm not that little girl anymore that you could simply amuse with your ways. back then, it was so easy to make me see you as a hero.

i know, i know, you've given me so much and there is no doubt about your intentions for me. but sometimes, i purely hated you. you have hurt me and her more than anyone could ever have.

the respect i had for you turned into terror. and when i couldn't take it anymore, i thought i'd let you know. a brazen feeling had broken loose in me. i confronted you.
and what did i get? a huge slap on my face.

after that incident, i promised myself that i would never, ever let anyone do that to me again.


one of the tough realities of being an adult: you become aware -- very much aware of the things that were being sugar coated when you were a kid. the answers to my questions were left for me to figure out. they would always say "you'll understand when you grow older".

and now i understand. and i'm dealing with it.

but just for this moment, i want to be that kid again.


==

uncertainty -- the good kind



now everything seems to blur in my mind.

there's a gap. a small but very crucial gap that i need to fill.


it was hours after midnight. i stared at the sky for a long moment. i tried to find peace...

and answers.


but all i saw were dark clouds -- covering the stars.


i took it as a sign. maybe, just maybe, the answers are there, but it won't be presented to me now.

just like the way the stars are hiding at the moment. soon, they will reappear and the place will be brighter again.

...and things between us will be clear again.


i looked your way, and your smile told me that you were having exactly the same thoughts as mine.


time will fold in on itself.


==

tidbits


i was excitedly telling my mom the plans i have for my career (naks! may direction na daw ang career ko!) -- short term and long term goals. i was talking non-stop and when i paused to get her reaction, this is what she said:

"anak, baka makalimutan mo na mag-asawa".

so much for career talk.




>><<

so yeah. i'd like to believe that i'm finally going in the right direction.

all i needed was someone to have faith in me and give me a chance.
it's about time someone gave me one.

thanks LM. you won't regret this. :)
i am forever indebted to you.




>><<

don't misread the signs. i'm being too careful when i'm around you.
'cause i don't want to screw things up.

you're too special for that.


==

maybe it's just human nature


why is it that after getting something (or even someone) that i've wanted for so long, i suddenly give it all up.

it's as if i never wanted it in the first place.

more often that not, this happens to me.
is this normal?


==

2 years na kame



ng blog ko. yey! :)

buti pa kame ng blog may anniv. :P here's to more blogging years!


==

something i'm not proud to be...



"c'mon. tell me."

"are you sure?"

"yep."

"i mean, are you sure you don't know why things are different now? and why i'm acting the way i'm acting towards you?"

"i don't know."

*sigh*

"what?"

"man i can't believe it."

"can't believe what?"

"i can't believe how naive you are. you don't even know that you broke my heart."

"HUH????"



while i have not exactly given up on love, there are days when i despise the thought altogether.

i've been bitter. i've been angry. i've been hurt -- all because of everything i've been through. i was so consumed with all these dreary feelings. having spent a huge amount of time nursing my broken heart gave me no chance to stop and think that for some people, i have become, in one way or another...


a heartbreaker.


i am so sorry. :/



==