Thursday, June 24, 2004


ever had one of those dreams that made you sad?
sad, because it felt so real.


peculiar as it may sound, i'm starting to wonder if there's a "right side of the bed"

true love? i have yet to find mine.

i'm afraid that he'd be overwhelmed by the love i'll give him.

i am a complete person. i won't say that my significant other will "complete me", but i know that when he comes into my life, he'd still get 100% of everything from me.

i'll make him the happiest man on this planet.

i'm really trying my best to "seize the day", everyday.

a phone conversation that made me emotional today:

gy_zombie: "babalik ako sa bahay...kukunin ko yung food"

Tikya: "ah, akala ko kung ano nangyari sa auto. tuwing ttawag ka kse problema dala mo".

salamat ah :S

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

celebrating my tears

i used to cry alone in my room. but even in the confines of own my room, i couldn't wail at my loudest and actually let my frustrations/pain/sadness out. i still feel that i am holding back my real emotions.

somehow i found a new "venue" for weeping...

i blinked...and realized that i was in tears. soft, silent tears that turned into loud sobs and staggered breaths. i was competing with the volume of the stereo. this usually happens when it rains....and when i'm driving alone.

it's a miracle that i get to my destination unscathed. prayers do help. yes, i actually talk to God when i cry. and that's when i cry the loudest.

i continue to drive with my eyes blurry from tears. i can't drive forever...i know i have to stop and turn off the engine soon. i just hope that i can do the same with my tears.

people think that i'm strong. but even strong people cry. and i get tired of being this strong woman. i've put up a wall for protection from the cruelties of this world.. but i destroy that same wall when i need to console myself.

Saturday, June 19, 2004

meet my folks

help me comprehend why guys are terrified to meet the girl's parents.

oh, and i'm referring to the dating stage. i would understand if the guy is already the boyfriend -- because judgment (or misjudgment) is bound to take place. isn't it supposed to be easier to meet the folks if you're just casually going out? you're practically just friends. right?

meet the 'rents. hang out with the kid. it's just like a barkada gimmick.

this was the reason why my best guy friend decided to postpone his date with the girl i'm trying to set him up with. the girl's parents are strict. and that was why she wanted to be picked up at her house rather than to meet him elsewhere.

"it's not like you're gonna marry her! she just wants you to meet her folks!", i pointed out. i wasn't done talking yet when he blurted, "exxxxaaactly! i'm not gonna marry her. we're going out on a date. why should i meet her parents?" (with matching eyes rolling and the most agape face i've ever seen)

i just couldn't relate. maybe because i don't share the same..uhm..."fear" of meeting the folks. i honestly wouldn't mind if i happen to be introduced to the parents of a guy i'd be dating. i know it's not a big deal to meet them, but i wouldn't be uncomfortable with that kind of situation either.

ugh..why am i even contemplating on this. i myself don't make it a habit of introducing my dates to my parents. oh, except my prom dates waaaay back in high school. hehe.

hmm..when the time comes, bibiglain ko nalang sila..."ma, my...husband." :P

awkward stage skipped. hehe. nde rn...nuninuninu...

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

i take after you. everyone admires you. who wouldn't? you're the most industrious person i know. you're smart; a walking calculator; you possess kick ass PR skills; you've got a big heart, you share without asking anything in return.

but sometimes your presence brings out the worst in me. i don't know if you do it deliberately. even if you're well aware of what ticks me, you don't care. you seem to know just the wrong buttons to press.

if it's true that daughters become their mothers...then should i be worried?

every time i remember the instance that you labelled me as the black sheep in the family, it puts me to tears. see..i'm crying now...

someday, you'll be proud of me. and you'll be telling my friends and your friends good stuff about me.

*deep sigh*

Saturday, June 12, 2004

thirsty for solitary time

i love talking to people -- sensible talks or otherwise. but there are moments, usually rare moments, that i want to wear a shirt screaming "i choose to be anti social today". i don't even want to say it, so i hope the shirt will do the job of getting my message across.

but that's one thing that i find difficult to do at the office. had i done that, for sure people will ask me "are you okay?" a million times. interacting is second nature to us. and deciding to be by yourself for a while is something we'd rather consider bizarre here. if anything, i know that this is still a normal human reaction. we sometimes just wanna be alone for no apparent reason.

i miss spending time with me -- uninterrupted quality time with me, me and me.

i'm gonna do that today.


this was the first week of MA classes. well, supposedly.

despite endless pieces of advice i got that i shouldn't bother attending classes during the first week, i still went to UP. i arrived on time. i sacrificed my precious sleep just so i could go to school. classes were cancelled (one professor actually went home to have dinner! without letting us know! we should've dined out as well). *sigh* i should've listened to them. but the good school girl attitude in me will not wear off that easily. i don't remember any incident in my academic history that i cut class. i'm no goody two shoes, but i was always present in all my classes. sa work lang pumalya..hehe..may mga SL talaga ko. can't help it. nobody said it was healthy to work on graveyard shift.

i'd give anything to get a decent day job that i love, and that will work with my class schedule as well. i guess i'm gonna be stuck here for a while...

haaay..naudlot na naman ang pag resign ko. i swear, nde na ko seseryosohin ng HR pag nag submit ulet ako ng resignation letter!!!!

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

when seizing the moment means everything to you

while the rest of the world is getting a glimpse of the whole picture, i pay attention to the tiniest details.

little unnoticed details that you just let slip through the cracks.

i don't.

i like rewinding episodes of my life on my mind. over and over again. i would've probably enjoyed it if i had a JARJAR TV (think ED TV). everything is recorded and every moment is captured.

i know sometimes you find it strange that i stare at you. i do this only because i am certain that getting this opportunity is rare. very rare. it's not only time that is borrowed here.

but i was prepared for this. and returning what was borrowed finally took place.

now all that's left with me are vivid images that i keep replaying on my mind. images like the way you wrinkle your nose; the way you bite your lower lip and wink at the same time; how you let your eyebrows meet when something puzzles you; the easy mood in the way you walk and carry yourself. all these. and more. brief that you barely notice them.

the universe is in a rush, and i'm here -- wanting to put everything in slow motion so that i could see them all. freeze. frame. savor.

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

I really dont know what to write I am moved to all kinds of feelings and thoughts. I see a very special spirit inside you and someone who is on her way to having a wonderful full life as soon as she learns to not worry and enjoy. We are promised nothing but always receiving so much more than we ever thought. Life is a very long road you must find out first if you will let God make a way for you or you make your own way. I can tell you which is easier, but you already know. Do not worry he knows we are all imperfect. That's the greatest thing, that we are loved and can give that love so easily.

...such deep insights, coming from someone i don't even know. he just happened to stumble upon my profile and sent me the message above.

if i become blind at times, God has a way of letting me realize the beauty of life through someone else's eyes.

yes, i am wonderful and life is an amazing gift. why did i need a stranger to remind me of that?

pondering on his statements, i am once again awakened that we get so much more than ever thought...or sometimes, more than we actually deserve. and little by little, i am learning not to worry too much and am taking time to appreciate life's simple pleasures.

Friday, June 04, 2004


i thought i'd only hear this word at work. perhaps it's the most commonly used word at call centers. =)

but when i got to UP last wednesday, i wanted to scream "queue!!!" with all my might.

i forgot how bad enrollment season can be. especially in UP.

i've been queueing at UP since wednesday, and later after shift, is gonna be the most dreaded day. it's the last day for registration/enlistment/assessment etc. etc.!

i'm frustrated and harassed, to say the least. i think the only time i smiled during this whole application process was when i got hold of the letter of admission. i think i missed the fine print that says "this is your only moment to smile. you're about to lose your patience and strength once you start with the registration.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz".

goddess morwen and i have been trying to get in touch with the graduate studies office -- inquiring about registration schedules, enrollment, etc. etc. we always get the same answer "try calling again after this and so. we don't have the information yet". what good is an information office if you don't have any information? duh! i've been to two beach outings already (and 2 shades darker =P) and we still haven't heard from them.

thursday was no better. i arrived early in UP...only to get this number -- 191!!! huwaaaattttt?!?!??!?!?! just when i thought that it could get did get worse...."wla pong guarantee na matatawag kayo today". eh malamang lamang ang number kong 191 eh sa 2nd batch pa. may 1st batch pang 300. *faints* "pwede na kayong kumuha ng number for tomorrow". i expected a good number...line of 2 or 3. they gave a small piece of cut folder with the number 97. haaaaay. wla nakong magagawa.

i really wouldn't care falling in line today as long as i get everything done. and i'm so lucky to have my VL approved for tonight -- on short notice. this enrollment actually calls for an emergency leave.

in the meantime, i posted more pictures from la union. nature pictures help me relax..i stare at these sunset/beach pictures whenever i'm stressed out...

outdoor lunch

jarjar and the sunday movie group (that sounds like a band's name..hehe)

kame ulet =)


drinking session

nice lizard shot huh

at white beach

sleepy on a sunday morning

look for my seahorse tattoo-turned-allergy-turned-bruise

blue waters at white beach

looks like a painting dba? =)

i think that i shall never see a poem lovely as a tree

Thursday, June 03, 2004

calm waters and beautiful sunset

after several ocular inspections to different beach sites (courtesy of some soccomm peeps and friends), ping-pong communication with Dory, endless committee meetings and IM chats, constantly updating the attendance sheet, stretching my patience in understanding other people's stubbornness and uncooperative attitudes, venting my frustrations to the active committee members....the team building finally pushed through.


mind you, last friday's incident almost made me want to quit the whole thing. these people simply didn't act their age. it's bad enough that the committee members are not getting paid (or even getting any perks) for organizing such events, what's worse is when we have to put up with people who are very uncooperative, not to mention, ungrateful!

but the actual team building more than made up for my bad mood last friday. despite the looooong trip, we did have fun. i went for a swim on all 3 days of our stay -- which explains why i'm 2 shades darker now. the hell with people's comments. as Orange would say, "you went out and had fun. your color is your proof that you were at the beach, aside from the pictures". hmmm, well said. =)

i've always loved watching the sunrise/sunset. since i couldn't count on myself to wake up early that weekend, i relied on catching the sunset instead. and i did! 2 sunsets in a row! we took fabulous sunset pictures. i'm always in awe everytime i see these pictures. i can sense a new blog skin to take place any minute now. hehe.

i especially enjoyed our night swims. i dipped in the water with friends, but every time i back-floated, i felt that i was alone. blissfully alone. it was so relaxing. i relished the feeling of watching the moon shining on my face. i learned how to find my shun all the voices around dismiss my colleague's constant teasings about my twins, my sleeping habits during out of town trips, and my closeness to TM. sometimes their teasings can really get to my nerves, but i choose to counter it with a smile. a hurt smile. knowing the truth lies deep within me and none of them is the wiser. it's the most they could do so I let them be.

i wanted to breathe those moments in la union. i wanted to breathe everything in...and not ever breath out. more than anything, the vacation fed my soul. and i feel simply peaceful.

some pictures from the team building:

one of the lovely sunset pictures taken in la union

sunset pic with the peeps this time =)

after a night swim

team 4 -- bitter but beautiful (walang aangal!)

who's that girl? drunk or sleepy?

sunday breakfast

after a swim at white beach

at the plaza. tama bang upo yan ng babae?

there's no stopping us in taking pictures. kahit sa jeep magkkuha ng picture, kahit mahulog na yung nagkkuha!

another sunset pic with the Macromedia peeps

ima try to upload more pics next time! =)
ang lalaki ng pics pa ren..bwehehehe....