Thursday, July 29, 2004


why is it this way?

when you're with the Boys You Could Care Less About, you're On.
you're charming, you're smart, you're witty, you're funny, you're
graceful, you're sexy, you're everything you never knew you could be.

when you're around the Boys You Want to Whisk Away to a Secluded
Island, you're Not. you're everything you never wanted anyone to find
out you were.

i've always been this sickeningly optimistic person.  and most of the time i'm trying so horribly hard to be one.

but everything just keeps f*cking up.

or maybe i'm trying too hard...

i waste so much time replying to text messages to these guys.

guys who shouldn't have ever come into my thoughts.

love can be the most painful, difficult and traumatic thing we could ever encounter...but it's also the most simple reason that we find ourselves smiling.

regardless of who or what i have in my life, i realize that the void is
only mine to fill.


why do we keep searching externally for love when it can be found
within us? 


Tuesday, July 27, 2004

i cried over these lines...

"some things are nothing more than what they seem. they are not meant to last. they just take their place in your heart and make you a lil smarter the next time." -- spoken by Kate Hudson's character in Alex and Emma


i felt a throbbing pain in my heart when i heard those lines. *sniff*

nuff said.

Saturday, July 24, 2004

Mr. Right Now

"you are everything a man wants, remember that."

*senti mode on*

so tell me, why am i alone?  you keep telling me that i should wait for the right one. but there seems to be absolutely no right person for me. is it really time for me to make the move? is patience indeed a virtue in this scenario?

i used to be a staunch believer in soul mates, destiny, true love and all that shit. but as much as i want to believe in the magic of it all and leave it to cupid's hands, i still think that i would have something to do on my part to find him..or at least, to be found by him. minsan parang ang sarap maglakad na may nakatatak sa noo mo na "single and available". pero nde ko pa naman naggawa yun... :P

there are many Mr. Right Now's in this world. pair that with a Meantime Girl and we have a perfect temporary pair. a relationship undefined. baseless. empty. ephemeral. pointless.

can i just meet Mr. Right Now fall in love with him, and take  out the "Now" in that title? nah. but sometimes it can be really tempting to do that. yes, there are times when being stupid makes sense. sardonically true.

i met Mr. Right. yes, he was Mr. Right and Perfect alright, but he was Mr. Right for someone else, not for me. and although he appreciates all the love i could share with him at that time...that was all he could do -- appreciate. although love was a two way thing for us, we still would have never gone forward even in our wildest dreams.

there is no point in staying in a relationship whose heart you cannot keep. even if we were two halves who match perfectly when put together, there is no adhesive strong enough to make us glued together for good. love should be just like breathing when it's right. maybe that's why i almost felt suffocated (literally) everytime i cried about you.

i really have nothing against you, but i know that i deserve to be happy. worry free happy. if only we could have it our way...

you will never know how it feels to be the girl in love with you. it's a feeling that's  exclusively mine.

"you are everything a man wants, remember that."  -- now if someone would say this to me again, i now have a reply: "then men probably don't want everything in a woman." 

eh nde rn naman ako perfect ah! ampotah...

*senti mode off*

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

remember how we sometimes have to stop and really think hard if we were asked to describe ourselves? if someone would ask me today, i would show him this peculiar (but true) list about me... 
(inspired by a text message from a friend)


always the cupid, never the target
always the bridesmaid, never the bride
always the best friend, never the girlfriend
always one of the boys, never the princess
always the last, never the priority
always the black sheep, never the favorite
always dreaming, never the subject of another's dream
always seeking, never being found
always the giver, never the recipient
always number two, never "only you"
i will celebrate the day when the words "always" and "never" switch places in those lines... 

Sunday, July 18, 2004

i haven't been updating my blog. but you won't get an apology from me. na-ah! why do we keep saying sorry for not updating our blogs anyway?  does anyone really care? ;)
for the record, i haven't been busy. i got sick. bad case of the flu. now that i'm (almost) well, the first thing i gotta do is...catch up on my reading and research work for school!
gaawwd! i feel so scholarly already! hehe. (oh shut up jarjar! start working on your next lesson plan...)  
cool..blogger is getting better and better! :)  wla lang..napansin ko lang...

Thursday, July 08, 2004

in His time

"jarjar, cguro may ginawa kang kabutihan kaya nakkuha mo ngayon mga bagay na gusto mo."
-- uttered to me by a colleague

hmmm...i'm trying see if there's even a grain of truth to that statement. ahm...uhm...hmm... *eyes wandering*

i can't think of a remarkable deed i've done lately. all i know is that i'm getting something i've been praying for several months now. it's true, He answers your prayers and gives you want you want -- in HIS time. thank you Lord :)


i'm moving to a different team. i'm still with the same account, but with a slightly different nature of support given to whining US and UK customers. plus, i get to be on the morning shift once in a while. hay salamat, nde ko na kelangan mag out of town para lang maarawan nako ulet! hafta start applying sunblock on my face. hehe...

i'm really time pressured here. i'll be trained in one or 2 days only, and i will go on soft live by next week. grabe crash course nalang ang training! whew! and i barely have time to turn over my responsibilities to my "successors".


bes gio, whatever it is you're going through right now, you will survive. i just know it. :) i'm sorry if i don't exactly have the right words to say to you -- i didn't give you any sound advice the last time we talked. but it's important that you know that i'll never get tired of listening to you. i'm just here bes.

i get hurt when you're hurt. please don't be too hard on yourself. :S *hugs*


haaay...still need to render 4 hours of OT for this special project we're finishing.

ang hirap maging responsible...tsk tsk tsk...

Friday, July 02, 2004

so we won the grand prize. i'm not surprised at all. :P

yes, the rumors are true...there are only 2 accounts in Sykes: Macromedia and others.
don't hate us 'coz we're the best. we just can't help it. ;) blog ko to, wlang aangal.

i've never felt how united the team was until last saturday. nothing can compare to our team. we're really a family. i looove you guys!

photoblog na ito!!! sayang wlang sunset pics. binagyo kme sa subic. :(

my constant out-of-town picture partner :D

parang may naligaw sa likod ng bus...

wlang manager manager dto...basag lahat! :P

pawis pawis nalang! ang saya saya! :D

Nene and the Virgins. uhm, nanalo lang naman kme. grand prize lang naman :P

best friends

my kindred

i was sitting beside a celebrity! hehe. sikat na si Orange! aaaww!

macromedia peeps -- all out support for the band!

wake up call?

i was THIS close to getting that massage and body scrub yesterday. i eagerly called the spa's number at 9:30am and was surprised to hear a sleepy voice on the other end. uhm...bahay yata tong tinawagan ko. :| like any other establishment, i expect that they open around 10am. much to my disappointed, i found out that they won't open until 1pm. darn. eh tulog na ko nun eh!

...the downside of working on graveyard shift. :/


wedding bells...i don't hear it

my mother is slowly trying to talk me into getting married. with every chance she gets, she'd ask me this question: "kelan ka magpapakasal?" --> hearing this is something i dread. it ties with the question, "why are you single?" as the-number-1-question-i-don't-have-the-answer-to. :| MM peeps, akalain nyo, nde ko sya kayang i-explain?

never can i remember a time that i've actually written something reflective on my being single. i've been long convinced that i am indeed normal and happy being single. but with a mother bugging me about marriage, and a gay friend who frankly tells me "ok lang yan jarjar, may mga tao talagang ttandang mag isa", i'm beginning to wonder if i'm ever gonna get married. :S

i was a late bloomer in relationships. i first had a boyfriend when i was 20. i enjoyed my teenage years and being single at that time was -- believe it or not -- by choice. now i feel that my singlehood is by default. *gulp*

and i quote my mom..."sa buhay ng babae, dalawang okasyon ang importante: debut at kasal. ikaw nakapag celebrate ka naman ng 18th bday mo. kasal nalang, kelan? lahat meron na para sa kasal mo...groom nalang kulang."

talaga lang ah? :) so may reception na, caterer, florist, gown, etc etc? :P least there's one thing that my mother and i agree on...i'll have a beach wedding. woohoo!!! :D

Thursday, July 01, 2004

i hate the way people ask you what's wrong like they don't know what's happening.

well, they really don't. they absolutely have no clue that they are the reason for your pain, anger, sadness. :S

i wish everyone were created to become sensitive to other people's feelings. i try hard to understand and accept the fact that boys will be boys and sensivity is something hard to crack in them. but c'mon, can't you at least try? it wouldn't hurt yah know.

maybe it's all about the macho thing...

...tsk tsk tsk.


...i really need to get a massage. am sooo stressed. :|