Wednesday, March 30, 2005

the countdown begins

i'm still not talking to my dad. i'd love to give him the cold treatment, but i simply don't have the chance. i don't get to see him. thanks to my work schedule, i get home when he's already gone. all these years of working in a call center, acquiring a nocturnal lifestyle has practically made me just a boarder in my own house.

if there's one good thing that this resignation will bring, it would be to have a normal life. yes, even if it means getting a lower salary for a day job and being stuck in traffic during the hellish rush hours...I D-O-N-T M-I-N-D. or maybe i do. but at this point, i'd give anything to get my old life back. i don't even care if i get sun damaged skin! i will embrace the very idea of facing the world -- DURING THE DAY. :)

i am relishing my last few days here at work. sometimes i find myself lonely, because the idea of leaving my friends behind is starting to sink in. :( soon, i will be dying to hear updates from them because i'd be missing out on a lot of things. syeeeeeeeeeeeettttttt!!!!! i'm about to no no!!!!

earlier today i treated a couple of friends for a few drinks after shift. it was spur of the moment (kaya wag magtatampo yung wala :P) and i really had a great time. nothing beats the combination of fried food, beer and wacky conversations with friends. i may have missed out on my own despedida party last saturday (thanks to my dad!), but the drinking session today more than made up for it. thank you guys. :) love you! mmwah!


Sunday, March 27, 2005


right now i can only think of one thing. even without trying, i keep remembering what you said yesterday. your words keep on echoing.

when someone hurts me terribly, i tend to dwell on it for a moment and it makes me forget all my other worries in life. but it has been more than just a moment.

i am still hurting.

being called useless and...ugh, "inutil" is downright degrading. see, i can't even think of an english word that would give justice and equal meaning to that term!

congratulations. you did a very good job of making my other problems seem nothing. they all just seem to shrink.

now i don't even see the point in doing my best anymore. it's not gonna change what you think of me. i will always be mediocre to you. despite my achievements, i am not a winner. in my heart i know that it's not true, but you make me think and feel otherwise.

fine. you were angry. and half the time, people don't mean the things they say when they are angry. but i know you too well. i know that you meant what you said -- every word!

i know i'm not the best daughter you could ever have and you could probably say na hindi ako mabait na anak.

...pero mabuti akong anak.


Thursday, March 24, 2005

life is not all about what you make it.
for most part, it's actually how you take it.

C O P I N G is the key.


my online HR profile says:

employee name: jarjar
VL application: march 25, 2004
reason for application: awarded VL =)

miracles do happen. especially during lenten season.

i literally jumped for joy when i was told that i could take a VL on friday. finally!!!!!!! this is gonna be my first (and last) VL for the year at this company.

now i only have to decide where to go this weekend -- correction, LOOONG WEEKEND. :D

i can smell the beach... ;)


Wednesday, March 23, 2005

my new crush :D

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she's the newest image model for bayo. but i can't find her name anywhere. :(


Tuesday, March 22, 2005

how do you spell your name?

J\"A\" is for Atlanticgimme anjack of spadesB\"a\"nkR

Monday, March 21, 2005

this is soooooo true:

Do something right, no one remembers.
Do something wrong, no one forgets.

it's a harsh world out there. :|


Friday, March 18, 2005

semester is finally over. this sem has proven to be more difficult that the last one. more units, more requirements. and i feel more tired and sleepy most of time. one professor asked me if i am getting any sleep, or that if i actually have parents who are taking care of me.


am i that harassed looking that i'm beginning to look like an abandoned daughter?

kawawa naman yata ako. :/

but i am grateful that my professor recognizes the efforts i put into his class. he really admires me and MasterLee for our determination in earning our masters degree despite our very stressful jobs. i think it's important that your professors know that you really value your education. that's a plus factor. as a teacher, i should know. ;)


it's official.

i finalized the effectivity date of my resignation. april 30. but i will be on terminal leave by april 16.

i resubmitted my resignation letter with the final date. this time, my manager signed it. no more extensions. no more negotiations. i really couldn't settle anymore, because it turns out that there's something i have to do after i resign.

too bad, i was looking forward to becoming a bum for a while. :P i wanted it sooo bad. ever since i graduated from college, i've been working and working and working. no long vacation. no sufficient amount of rest.

i will be venturing into something new. will blog about it next time. :)


my sister dearest turned 10 yesterday.

i can't believe she's 10 already!

when she was still an infant, i loved babysitting for her. one time, i noticed that her fingernails were growing, so i cut them. i told my mom what i did and felt that i did a good job. "oh yeah, i cut her fingernails. don't worry, i was very gentle. she didn't get hurt or anything." my mom freaked out. "yeah, you were gentle...but you threw away the cut nails? that was her very first time to have her fingernails cut. you should have kept them." :/ some superstitious belief that my mom believed in. aba malay ko ba :P but i guess that's all it was -- a superstition.

now justine's proving to be smarter and more mataray than her ate. hehe.

i swear, if anyone hurts you, especially boys, lagot sila saken!

i love you kuleleng! mwah!

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Sunday, March 13, 2005

i'm hoping that someday, somehow, i'll find it in my heart to forgive you.

there's just one's very difficult for me to forgive...and forget. the thought of what you did just pops into my head everytime i see you. and it makes me feel sick.

i've heard you say sorry, and i know you mean it. but God knows that you gotta do better than that.


Tuesday, March 08, 2005

caught off guard

nothing ever prepares you for rotten situations in your life.

no matter how strong or courageous you are -- or even if you've long expected it -- when it finally happens, IT JUST HITS YOU. point blank.

and you are left staring at the big picture. dumbfounded.

BUT...i am not talking about me. although it may have happened to me at some point.

this is about a friend.

kenzo is caught in a very tight spot. he was initially worried about telling me his problem for fear that i may be greatly affected. and for someone like me who is routinely depressed (yes, it's almost like a routine), hearing stories of misery may be hazardous to my emotional state.

and so his story was told. was i affected? yes. but that's because i empathized with him. and learning about someone else's misery keeps you somehow...hmmm...normal? it reminds you that you are not the only person on this planet carrying a big cross. when someone unloads his problems to you -- weird as it may sound -- it makes you feel better. it makes your own problems seem small. and that is a very very good distraction for you.

and that's exactly what happened to me.

i pray that kenzo will be guided.


Wednesday, March 02, 2005


it's getting ugly. i am finding more reasons to leave this job.

despite the big opportunity that has been presented to me, i am still not convinced to stay. i know i am a fool to pass this up, but i really cant commit to something if my heart's not into it. yes, the opportunity may be a big thing, but this big thing has been outweighed by the small ones that have really made me start to loathe what i do here everyday. i am every inch tempted to go on AWOL. but i still respect 'the policies". these are the exact same policies that sometimes make my blood pressure rise!

a friend asked me why i don't want to push myself further anymore, why i've stopped challenging myself. and all i could say was, "i'm losing faith in the management". i almost feel sorry saying it. i love this team but some things aren't just working out for the best. whatever happened to looking after everyone's (or at least the majority's) interest?

the zest i used to have at work was probably diverted to school. that's why even if i don't get any sleep, i still attend my classes. sure, the requirements are stressful, but i find a sense of fulfillment and sense of self when i'm in school. and it's like i am thirsty for a change of environment.

it's not a great day at work today. but i still find myself sharing a few laughs with my friends here. i'm even in the mood to take a couple of pictures. hehe. Uberclyde and i were wearing identical shirts....and we had our picture taken behind the red post. christmas colors. just for kicks. :)


Tuesday, March 01, 2005

happy birthday kooka.

you are a wonderful person. more than you can ever imagine. i wish you could see that in you.

start believing in yourself. it's about time.

your crown has already been made. wear it with pride.

love you!