i should have known better.

tama, ang lalake tanga. ang babae, tanga by choice.

if you're trying to beat me in my own game, think again. you may have just met your match.

watch out.

sweet november


november went by so fast. this month gave my social life more vigor.

my most recent gimmick was an out of town trip that i almost had to pass up. people were actually stopping us from leaving. why? our destination was Baguio City. :D

oh don't fret, the use of the term "outbreak" was definitely an exaggeration. as you may have heard by now, there was no outbreak of meningococcemia in Baguio.

yes, we all came back to Manila in perfect health. for a while we had to lie to some people at work that we didn't go to Baguio, doing this gave us an excuse not to buy them pasalubongs. hehe.

for this weekend, i planned to go to the beach (Galera or Batangas), but our salary won't be in until next tuesday (darn!) and i don't want to spend the cash that's left with me. i need to save up, save up and save up! a birthday dinner is happening in a few weeks. *wink*


some of the pictures taken this month:


team dinner at Moksha -- one of the best places to eat in the metro!



hmmm..i'm the only straight person in this picture. haha!



same faces, only this time i was getting cold



pachuchay and jarjar



at pearl drive parking lot



starbucks in baguio



at gerry's sm baguio with dude



with dude's super hyper and smart niece, rinoa



i fell in love with this kid immediately! she's such a darling!



home sweet home



can you see our slim christmas tree? hehe. my mom threw away the old bulky one. :/

"what you have to remember in this damn life is that you have a choice."

maybe you should have also told me that it's never easy. making a choice is not just about what i want. being selfish is something i was never good at. thinking about what you want or need would always come to surface.

making a decision embraces everyone and everything i care about.

is that so bad? :/

... and a partridge in a pear tree


for the first time since i became single, i am actually looking forward to the holiday season.

everyone knows what Christmas does to single people like me. it's something that we dread.

the past 3 years saw me wanting to skip christmas. i am still alone now, but am no longer lonely. maybe it's because i am preoccupied with a lot of things: work, school, social life, plans of vacationing and even working abroad, and oh yeah, dating. okay, let's include flirting on the list. :)

but whatever the reason is behind my reformed attitude, i am simply thankful. i now have the eagerness of a child: all giddy and worry free during this time of the year.

sulking just because you're alone during the holidays is an absolute waste of time. it's Jesus' birthday for heaven's sake! we should celebrate it.

my only wish is that all single people be in the same happy disposition that i'm in right now.

i conquered my fear after all. i no longer cringe at the thought of Christmas. and i hope this will last.

next: overcoming the fear of Valentine season :P

i don't like having regrets in life. i always make it a point to stand firm in the decisions i make.

but right now, there is something i desperately want to delete from my history.
and if you ask me if i would want to take it back, my answer would be an astounding
ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY!

i would take it back. in a heart beat.

oh God. i don't know what got into me. i am soo out of it. *sigh*


what makes my situation worse is that i can't do anything about it. nothing. zilch.

ugh, somebody shoot me please. :|

hindi na kita madalas isipin
minsan nalang

tuwing araw at gabi

-- Hindi Na
by The Company


once again, i am deeply moved by a song from this fantastic OPM group. the other one is "Paki Sabi Na Lang" -- but my story for this song goes way back when i was still in college. hmmm...maybe i should blog about it one of these days...



>><<

i am making progress with the guy. i wish i can say all the juicy details here. but i wanna leave that between just him and me. *wink wink*

this thing i have going on is really helping me as far as self-discovery is concerned.

i'm delighted to find out that i can be a big flirt if i wanted to. haha!



>><<

geeze...i just realized that i posted -- number one: something emotional and two: something superficial (or sexual?) in one entry.

ano ba talaga mood ko ngayon?

hoity toity


someone's making me smile.

and flirting has a lot to do with it. ;)

perhaps what makes it more exciting is that no one knows that i'm into him. people see us as friends. good friends. everything platonic. and unless you're a very good observant, you can't tell who i'm eyeing ;)

YES. flirting is indeed healthy. and i'm beginning to believe that it's an activity that is second nature to sagittarians like me. hey, we're not a fire sign for nothing. ;) but i am what you can call a subtle flirt. harmless flirt even.

i remember a few weeks back, i texted Twin at a time that i was feeling low:
"do you really need someone to get over someone?"

her reply was leaning to a 'yes'. and although my current object of affection -- or flirtation -- is not exactly a 'someone', at least he makes me smile. and i have reaffirmed my belief that i haven't lost my touch. :P hmmm...may appeal pa naman pala ako. hayaan nyo na ko sa ganung paniniwala. :D


>><<

second sem na!!! na-stress na naman ako sa enrollment. :|

am excited for Master Lee. she's now taking up her M.A. too. :D

i'm really bent on finishing my M.A.
i hope nothing will hinder me from achieving this.

i miss teaching. *sigh*


>><<

pictures ulet! :D




at last weekend's party



macromedia peeps



sila ulet; doing what they do best -- inuman! woohoo!



recent sunday movie group at GB3. i love this pic. parang pang commercial ng mcdo :)



at Kitchen GB3. virginal pose daw yan ni bes. :D

life after goodbye


it's painful enough to say goodbye. what's worse is when i don't know whether or not i'd be seeing you again.

what happens after goodbye?


i am standing here. on a fine line between holding on and giving up.
it doesn't matter what i choose because in the end, it all hurts just the same.

the magic is gone.

this is exactly the same way i felt when i was a little girl -- the time when i found out that there was no santa clause.

so now i know. there is no you.

or maybe there is. s-o-m-e-d-a-y.

so if there really is such a thing as a next lifetime, then i'm willing to die now.

during those times, i wasn't avoiding you. i just had to stay away for a while.

i was not abandoning you or our friendship. you see, i was not quitting.
i was coping.

why?


because i couldn't look at you without my heart breaking.

"life is a stage, and you are the main act"



it all boils down to this:
i can only depend on myself.

absolutely no one but myself.

i simply do not understand the reason -- or the absence of reason -- why people hurt me. what the hell is their motive?

no man is an island, i know. but it is during these times that i choose to be alone. i choose not to be too trusting anymore; to question every move that these people make; to raise my eyebrows everytime they ask something from me; to dismiss every single bit of compliment they throw at me; to keep my secrets confined to my soul and no one else's.

i'd rather not invest 100% of my trust in them rather than be disappointed of having been betrayed in the end.

there comes a point in your life when you feel that no one on this planet genuinely cares about you. and when that time comes, you have to be ready.

so i am slowly building that wall again. and i don't know when i'd be ready to let the wall be taken down...but i am certain that it won't be anytime soon.

no, i am not lonely. it's just i'm being more careful. i just want to protect myself because no one will do it for me.

i've been caring and loving too much for others that my own happiness has been sacrificed too many times. things will change soon -- and you bet it's for the better.

it's about time to aim the spotlight on me.

sleepless at cafe adriatico


S: "ngayon alam mo na. kahit ilang beses ka binigyan ng advice noon, wlang kwenta yun. bulag ka kung bulag ka. you wouldn't have listened to us anyway because you didn't know if we were right or wrong."

K: "oo nga. pero malinaw na lahat ngayon. and i don't need any piece of advice from others. it's true -- mauuntog ka nalang isang araw. and you'll realize what's best for you all on your own...
...ALL ON MY OWN."

S: "nangyari na. nasaktan ka. just be thankful that it all happened."

K: "yup. no regrets." *smiles*



>><<

"you can have it all. you just can't have it all at one time."
-- quoted from one of the people i admire most: Oprah Winfrey


>><<

yung kaaway ko, plastic pa ren.

kebs na.

seething mad


there should be a huuuuuge line that separates work from personal issues. but people like you keep crossing that line unceasingly.

but you wouldn't know about such line, would you? oh! why am i not surprised.
and do you also know what professionalism means?? oh wait, do you even know how that word is spelled???!??!?!

#&!^@&*@!!#&$!!!!!

you are soooo lucky that someone stopped me from confronting you today. i should have made a scene. and it should have been a good one.

kung sinampal kita kanina pumanget ka. LALO.

every time i get sick with my job, i look at the bright side -- the people. and they may be the only reason why i'm still here.

not until today.

now, one by one, they are turning into monsters.

i don't know whom to trust anymore.

isa lang talaga napatunayan ko...nagkalat ang backstabbers sa mundong ito.


"....'cause where I lay my trust in others, where it lies the ground is thin..."

i don't want to be


I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I'm trying to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me

--> I don't want to be, Gavin deGraw



i am sooo loving this song. yun lang :) i love watching one tree hill too. haaay...danda danda ni brooke at haley! pewcha nattibo na yata ako ah....

sembreak's here! thank God. :D i had to cram for my projects last sunday. yep, sleep deprived by choice! i should've had more time in my hands had i not watched my teammates play bowling last saturday. but the bonding we had that day made all my sacrifices definitely worth it. and nothing beats talking to people who haven't had any sleep. if you heard us talking, you'd think we were drunk. wla talaga kmeng sense kausap nun!




at Powerbowl. getting ready for the game.



papano na kaya kme kung nde naimbento ang camera



at Dencio's Rockwell. borlogs nalang. almost 24 hrs na kmeng gising



rooftop view. posing with my model friend clyde ;) bagay ba kme? hehe



salam and jarjar. syempre nde kumpleto pag wlang pic ang mag best friend

nuninuninuninu...........


yes, i make these sacrifices without asking or expecting anything in return. it's all out of love. but there are instances that you really make it easy for me to hate you. and that makes me think. hard. really hard.

simpleng katangahan na magsakripisyo para sa wala. OO. alam ko yun. pero anong ginawa ko?????

years from now, i will look back to this day and just laugh it all off.

kung baket ba kse nde pwedeng maging wa-is sa buhay at pag ibig at the same time. baket? bakeeeet????

but you gotta give me some credit. i've been exerting effort to help myself...


...but not as much as i should.


*deep sigh*

beclouded


life is never what it seems

flimsy promises
only empty and fleeting words

how do you redeem the faith that's been lost perpetually?
look at what's left of me
it leaves me broken and deceived

just when i thought i have buried everything in my past
without warning
memories keep flooding back
and slowly i crawl into my dark space again

it's senseless to keep risking and fighting
when there's nothing left to lose or gain

in my mind i'm struggling
but in my heart i'm struggling more

-f-r-a-g-m-e-n-t-s-
ver. 3



there comes a time in my life when i withhold to do something because i am almost sure that i am bound to get hurt. but i still end up taking the risk. i do it because i am also certain that it's gonna hurt more to know and look back that it could have been my greatest happiness.


>><<
with everything i've been through, i've learned that love -- and life -- has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get; only with what you are expecting to give --which can be EVERYTHING.


>><<
there's a purpose to life's events, to teach you how to laugh more or how not to cry too hard.


>><<
i tend to step in too close that the whole perspective is but a blur already...


>><<
the poem i wrote, by the way, wasn't about you. i didn't even realize that it might sound like it was when i wrote it. it was about someone else. this boy. but it's inconsequential now, because he's just a poem to me now.

nothing more.


>><<
her motto was, "let go."
his was, "hold on."
it was as if she was ready to fall and he was willing to catch her.


>><<
it sucks, but that's life. it hurts to let go of something but always rememeber may kapalit yan na mas ok. :)
-->texted to me by a dear friend

SALAM


happy birthday to my dearest best friend.

bes, it is important to me that you know how special you are. i've never met anyone bolder, braver, funnier and with a more unique name than you. :) God only knows what you've been through and i am happy that you had managed to come through. when you were thinking of giving up, the thought of losing you really scared me to death. i never want to see you doubting your strength again.

thank you for being the brutally honest yet sensitive best friend to me. i wouldn't have learned from my mistakes if you hadn't let me. now, i can say na "natuto na ko". *wink*

i pray that we would remain an open and unpretensious friendship. remember that you can always depend on me..and Him. :)

i love you bes and i miss you soooooooooo much. *bearhugs*

still dangling on a string...but with a firmer grip this time


so this is how it feels.

i can't believe it has been a year since i started blogging. wow. it has been an eventful year indeed.

i backtracked to my very first post and as i was reading it, i have concluded that i am still the same person, only this time, i feel that i am armed with more experience and confidence to face my fears and enemies.

i am still the same person who, no matter how optimistic she can be -- still has the tendency to worry. badly.

i am still the same person who, regardless of knowing what she loves to do, is still having a damn hard time deciding which path to take.

i am the still the same person who, despite being broken hearted a numer of times, will still take that risk to fall in love. over and over again.

i am still the same person who, despite having committed mistakes in life, will still not regret and blame herself for doing so.

yes, i may still be going through the same misfortunes and i am still hanging by a single strand of hope. but my grip has become firmer. all i had to do was put my faith in Him. something so simple can be so wonderful.

and blogging had a lot to do with it. had it not been for my daily musings and my friends' comments, i will not be reaffirmed that i am worth it.

very much worth it.

pictuuuuures!!!


some of my recent pics with my second family. :)



the only time that we were on morning shift for this year. grabe nag celebrate kme. lunch out! haha!



ayan. pati former manager kasama namen. ganun kme kasaya :)



profile photo for socials committee. memorable yang pic na yan. hehe. ako nalang nakakalaam kung baket ;)



ang bagong iyak na jarjar. tamang umiyak ako sa party dba. drama ko. syeeet.
pero project pa rin sa camera. :P



masakit na mata ko nyan. hay usok ng yosi. eeeww. :P



posing with Juboy, one of the bday peeps. at syempre laging may sisingit. hehe. favorite ko yang shirt ni jubs na yan. la lang.



oriental friday. fish event at work. hay nde talaga ko papasang chinese. kulay ko palang eh. haha!



robo launch. naks nag wine daw kme. ok pa kme nung product launch. ngayon ngarag na lahat ng tao :( beer na ulet, wla ng wine wine!



sabi ko nga masaya pa ko nung launch eh. wla lang. gusto ko lang ng solo pic :P



at dahil bagong gupit si pachuchay, nagpicture taking kme. hehe



yun lang. next time ulet :D

The Lone Warrior


Love so tangible it pulsates

Enraptures me, seduces me

I grasp to embrace it



A blazing heat of fiery motion

Energy beyond imagination

A feast for the starving



As the moon rules the tides

So your love intoxicates me

Vibrations ripen my desire



No sorrow until I found it

A void unfurls as we part

Giving birth to longing



My senses still writhing

I don my mask, abandon my despair

The lone warrior again