yes, there's one thing i want which i can't have! *wink*


You are Envy!
Wow... what a dreamer. Always wanting what you
can't have, and always dreaming of having more
then you do. It's not the worst sin, and we're
all guilty of it - but you take it to the
extreme! You are prone to depression, often
from things you can't obtain. Be a bit more
positive, you have a lot that others want too -
so don't sit there being all green! On the
positive side, you tend to be a smart person -
and can often achieve the goals you set
yourself.
Congratulations on being the overall harmless, and
pretty normal one of the 7 deadly sins :)


?? Which Of The Seven Deadly Sins Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

Mood Analysis Test

--

Results for Test Taken Thursday, October 30, 2003

You are the sort of person that needs a peaceful environment. You seek release from stress and freedom from conflicts and disagreements, of which you seem to have had more than your fair share. But you are taking pains to control the situation by proceeding cautiously and you are right in doing so as you are a very sensitive person.

You enjoy taking part in anything that may constitute fun and excitement. You need to be stimulated and need to feel that 'Life is worth living' and you are awaiting that stimulation and you don't particularly care where it comes from!

You are a dreamer and you seek perfection in any relationship that you may establish. Some of your ideas and standards are over the top so it may be a good idea to review your perception of life and accept people for what they are - not for what you would like them to be.

It is said that we are all influenced by our environment and indeed you are no exception. It would seem at this time that even though you may be surrounded by people, you are experiencing an inner loneliness. Fortunately you are sufficiently strong minded to realise that life has a great deal to offer you and that you may miss your share of experiences if you fail to make the best use of every opportunity. You therefore pursue your objectives with a fierce intensity and are prepared to commit yourself deeply and readily. You believe that whatever you would like to do or think 'you can do' - you do! It is because of this attitude that you may be considered by others as arrogant and even conceited, but its fair to say that whatever it is that you really want out of life you will put your heart and soul into it and will not take 'NO' for an answer.

You have so many ideas that you would like to revitalize but you need to realize a stable and peaceful condition to do so. Once you can free yourself from all the aggravation and tension around you, you will make strides that may amaze you. You will not be prevented from achieving all the things you so desire.

lemme repeat the last word for this quiz result...HAHA!

narcissistic


Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
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i already know that...!


i have nothing against fortune telling or tarot card reading. and although i really don't want to be dependent on these life-forecasting practices, i gave it a shot. it was worth a try. you can say that i was just curious. well, curiosity didn't kill the cat, it made the kittens.


"we're not playing God here", the lady told me. i was calmed upon hearing those words from her. lest i become susceptible to her predictions, i can always remind myself that only God still knows what's bound to happen to me.

in a nutshell, i was told that i have a very great zeal for life. i put my heart into what i do and try to achieve all my goals --be it short term or long term goals. it comes to a point that i want to accomplish them all at the same time and i would need to slow down....slooooowww dowwwwn....ok ok...i think i still know how to do that. i pamper myself once in a while. i know when i need to destress myself from this chaotic world. she kept on saying that i am smart woman who makes smart decisions. hmmmm....true or not? hehe....

my favorite part was when she told me that it is not a remote possibility for me to work and travel at the same time. God knows how much i want to navigate the world! hehe. seriously, i'd be ecstatic to see different places but i would still like to come back to my beloved Philippines. the nationalistic side of me would still want to help her country grow.

when the opportunity came for me to ask 3 questions, the first thing i asked was about my career. "love life is really not your priority at this time, huh", the lady asked smiling. well, yeah...there is no love life to prioritize anyway. =P and i admit, i am so preoccuppied with putting my career into order. heck! the graveyard zombie is slowly maturing into a serious career woman!

despite my little interest in the romance department, cards of knights still kept on appearing. so question number 2 was devoted to discussing that thing called love. there was one knight card that appeared twice during the session -- the knight of cups. the tarot reader told me that this certain knight was very persistent. knights knights knights knights! cards of knights were very much visible..but where are the men that these cards represent??? isn't that ironic? :P i nonchalantly asked the lady if i've already met these men or if i have yet to meet them. "unfortunately, the time can't be specified". HUH?!?!? what good is a tarot reading if there's still a grey area! *sigh* contradicting. really. time specific or not? because she mentioned there would come a time that i would have to choose between two nights -- now that's an episode which im sure is in the future tense.

i didn't have any question 3 in mind, so she just sort of predicted my future in general. aside from the cards of knights, another subject in different cards was constantly popping -- the cards of pentagon. basically, she reaffirmed that i wouldn't end up in the streets begging for money. =)

none of her statements really shocked me. nada! zilch! i was half expecting to hear a nerve wrecking, mind blowing, earth shattering prediction from her. but there wasn't any! so you can say that i was slightly disappointed. hehe.

the session validated my principle that although i believe in destiny, you'd still have to work your way towards that destiny. i stand in the middle of a FREE WILL--DESTINY debate. the dictionary does not give justice to the word "fate". if i were to define it, it'll say: 'whatever is decreed for one, depending on the precedent plan of the person'. and through the entire course of this tarot reading, i can say that the things i heard were simply my plans in life. i almost have everything figured out. almost. and with every assertion she made, i almost wanted to say, "yeah..i already know that. is there anything surprising you can tell me?"

and just like my zodiac, I am once again associated with fire in the form of a Phoenix...

You are Form 0, Phoenix: The Eternal.

"And The Phoenix's cycle had reached
zenith, so he consumed himself in fire. He
emerged from his own ashes, to be forever
immortal."

Some examples of the Phoenix Form are Quetzalcoatl
(Aztec), Shiva (Indian), and Ra-Atum
(Egyptian).
The Phoenix is associated with the concept of life,
the number 0, and the element of fire.
His sign is the eclipsed sun.

As a member of Form 0, you are a determined
individual. You tend to keep your sense of
optomism, even through tough times and have a
positive outlook on most situations. You have
a way of looking at going through life as a
journey that you can constantly learn from.
Phoenixes are the best friends to have because
they cheer people up easily.


Which Mythological Form Are You?
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I've always believed that Sagittarians are great kissers ;)

You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.


What kind of kiss are you?
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Hmm...I guess my best friend is right...maybe I was a male in my past life...


You are a female or male that wants to be the
opposite sex. Sometimes you dress in their
clothing and dance around to Barney.Please rate
my quiz.


What's Wrong With You
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your work is your life

your work is your life


i remember hearing this line from a movie.. "you know what happiness is for me? it is loving your work"

uh-oh...i'm afraid i can't relate to that line. nu-uh!

work is becoming a routine for most of us here. maybe we're just too tired. the morning shift is not an option albeit temporarily. we've been on graveyard shift for about 4 months now. everyone is anticipating for the morning shift to become available again.

the only thing that makes me motivated to go to work is to spend time with my friends here. if not for them, i would have resigned faster than you can say "BYE!".

but no matter how high the stress level can get here, this office environment still serves as a refreshing change from home. but that's another story.... ;)

good decision...good decision...


moksha. october 19, 2003. 1130pm. great food. wonderful ambience. amazing friends.


and i almost couldn't join them for this late dinner. my face was still a bit swollen and bruised (medical reasons still inexplicable; i have to go back to the doctor). but i somehow sensed that the dinner would be something different and i had to be there. my instincts were right.

the food was enticing indeed! hats off to la ming (lee's dear sister). the place was very cozy, and i started to believe that we broke the warm and solemn ambience because we tend to be a bit raucous. =P favorite lines that night were enigma's "san MIGUEL light" and brat's "FF -- friends forever". my top1 was with us too...and of course...the teasing was endless. even if he weren't there, it wouldn't have bothered me...let's just say that top1 was the icing on the cake. =)

more than anything else, it felt good to be there when a friend needed a listening ear the most. it was a brief moment but we bonded profoundly. i sincerely hope that my friend will make it through..it takes time..but i know she'll be ok. she has to be ok - she deserves to be...

there have been some gimmicks that i had to pass up, and typically, i wouldn't regret not joining. but if i've missed this dinner, i know it would have been something i would truly regret...and i am so glad that i made the right decision that night. it was one of the most memorable yuppie nights.

sheer admiration

-
Elow fellow bloggers! This entry is the exact opposite of my "The Heat of My Desire" post. Eto naman wholesome...hehe...=P

-------------------------------------------
ADMIRATION
ad-mi-ration
ad-m&-'rA-sh&n

definitions:
1 archaic : WONDER
2 : an object of esteem
3 : delighted or astonished approbation


People have been teasing me about how much I "like" you. And why shouldn't they? I smile from ear to ear when we talk about you. My friends could create a tally board on the number of times I mention your name. But guys, believe me when I say that I really JUST like the guy. Honest. =) Now don't go rolling your eyes or raising your eyebrows at me.

I know that I am just infatuated. All I have for him is harmless admiration. I know it's not love...and I choose for it not be. Experience has taught me that love is a decision and the feelings just follow. And it's easy to fall for this guy if I wanted to. But I know what I'd be getting myself into. And I don't want any kind of trouble. ;) As I always say, "I know my rights pare."

I have so many crushes -- single, attached or married. And for the attached and married ones, I usually am happy for the woman they are with. These women are fortunate to be with a man who truly loves and adores them. Notwithstanding the fact that they have a great guy, some of these women don't seem to recognize that blessing. They tend to take their respective partners for granted in the long run. Sad, but true. I once asked this guy, "does she realize how lucky she is to be your girlfriend?" And he blurted, "uhm..I can't answer that. I don't know". Well I definitely knew the answer, and too bad for her, she didn't. At that time I honestly wanted to trade places with that girl. (Hay I miss that guy by the way...I was almost convinced that it could have been him..haaay...ima blog about that next time ;)

Anyway, going back to the recent object of my admiration...I only have good words to say about him. He gave a whole new meaning to the word "kind". He has a great life ahead of him with a nice loving partner by his side. Ok ok.. I'd be a hypocrite if I say that I am not envious. The envy I have however is not wanting to have the guy, but wanting to have the same kind of appreciation they have for each other in a relationship. And having known him gave me that certain trace of hope that there are still decent men out there. The kind who can make real relationships last.

I've never imagined that I'd write something about this at my blog. Nevertheless, I would say that he is worth writing about. And this is the least I could do for him, because I owe some of my best days to him..he definitely knows how to make someone happy. And for that, I am very thankful. =) *hugs*

The Heat of My Desire

--

In the still of the evening
Without sunlight to intrude
I see the twilights in your eyes
As the moon sets up the mood
Playing music soft and low
While romance fills the air
I can't help but feel aroused
The very moment you come near
I submit to your embrace
While candles flick their flame
And the smell of your perfume
Seems to drive my lust insane
As you look into my eyes
And run your fingers through my hair
I taste the sweetness of your neck
As I nibble at your ear
You the whisper words of love
As I answer with a sigh
And in a very luscious way
Our sweet bodies come alive
You're the heat of my desire
As we slowly come undress
You then start to lay me down
While I welcome your caress
With your sensuous physique
You have a taste I can't resist
And my breasts show some response
When you touch them with a kiss
As you soak inside my love
To a sexy love condition
Feeling passions start to rise
While making love in all positions
You give me so much pleasure
For ecstasy is here
With me wrapped inside your arms
To this heated love we share
Now no one can come close
To this love that we inspire
For only you can fill this joy
And the heat of my desire

aliw! =)

my blog has a new look!

To Mistress Ice, I am forever indebted.

Thank you sooooooooooo much!!! mwah!

Nomadic

--

I've been hiding somewhere between here and the moon, resting my head on clouds and gazing at the stars. I've been at a loss for words, not because nothing has happened but because so much has happened. I don't know what else to say.

It is just like chewed gum left on a surface -- I only realize that it is irritating and disparaging when I become in contact with it. And I try hard to remove it from me. It won't budge.

The explicator in me has gone shy. I cannot even begin to describe the exact road that I am traveling.

I continue traveling not knowing where I'm headed. All I'm concerned about is for me to reach a safe place. Be it a familiar place or not, it doesn't matter. I just need a place where I can be myself again.

perhaps
it is the haphazard way
you talk about things
whenever we sit beneath
the starless sky
the look upon your face
whenever you shift your gaze
from the blackness of the horizon
towards my moonlit grace
it is the emptiness
in your eyes
and the innocence
of your emotions
that twists and blinds me
from the bitterness of reality
i live now
knowing that my chances are few
but there's no slim chance
of me
dropping you
if you are none
but an illusion projected
by the longing of my soul
then cruel fate
come play with me
till i am finally ready
to be enveloped
by the clamoring darkness
that would surely
deafen me

what is it about you...

--

Your personality intrigues me. And you're right, you are the extreme of all things.

Were you trained to act? You act so well it hurts. I am amazed at how you can make someone feel absolutely special one minute, and abandon him the next.

The moment a single thought of you creeps into the crevices of mind, I immediately dismiss it. But I end up marveling at just the slightest idea of you. You'll probably never know how excited I am every time I see you. No, you won't – because I'll never make it that obvious. I delight in the fact that I can make you feel less special. (Hah! Magtampo ka all you want!) Weird? Nah. I'm just protecting myself. I don't want to be hooked on you…or maybe I do…

...but you make it a point to make me feel that it's not worth it.

At least, you were honest from the very start.

"BER" months

on the first day of september, i heard a christmas song blasting from the cab radio. then on october 1st, a christmas song was being played at the mall. on both occasions, i found mylsef feeling giddy. they said that the philippines is the country where christmas is celebrated the longest. i guess that's true. we spend like half of the year celebrating the said season. despite this observation, the last few christmases haven't given me that festive mood.

but when i heard the songs on the first day of the BER months, i just had this gut feel that this year will be different.

this year will be much better.

i don't know the reason why, but the important thing is that i have rediscovered the true meaning of christmas. i feel like like a child again. christmas has once again become something that i'm looking forward to...and not something that i'm dreading....