|| not again ||


it's the worst feeling when you are torn between keeping your distance or continuing to hang around with someone.

it doesn't help knowing that either way, whether you avoid him or not, there will be a heavy and distracting feeling inside you.

you need to stay away because things are getting too close for comfort, but then you don't want to, because you want to save the friendship.

if you've seen the movie "when harry met sally", that's exactly what's happening to me now...



...only with a different ending.

an ending which hasn't taken place yet.



haven't seen the film? read the script. :) go ahead! holiday (nyo) naman eh! you'll love the story, i promise.



haaayy...why do i always find myself in this kind of situation...?!?!?

|| a lovely disarray ||


i woke up in the lush space where i don't remember what i've dreamed.

but after three seconds or so, it suddenly flashed back to me. and i start having pep talks to myself.

don't dwell on it. it's all in the past. it's time to move on.

but i still dwell on it and defer moving forward -- at least for a moment. a moment so valued and true. no matter how strongly aware i am of the present, i've always considered the past as something concrete. something very palpable.

in a peculiar way i must have loved my interesting anthology of hurts. they somehow provide me with some sincere sympathy and assurance, giving me that sense of being exceptional.

i am renewing yet again.

i am the girl wounded and healed several times over. getting hurt in ways no other person has ever been. my pain and griefs are my own.

what a complicated but marvelous case i am.

|| delicate to handle ||


knowing the truth can be as much a protection as it can be a curse to your life.

there are times when you have to trade in a plate of lies for a plate of truth.
you don't know which one is heavier to lift. but it doesn't really matter. either one is heavy and fragile.

heavy and fragile. perfect burden.

the moment you find out the truth, you hear something so strong. like a heavy sigh.
a sound so final. no turning back.

the truth is yours now.

and it is hauntingly beautiful.

|| bone tired and craving for a rest day ||


i am finally, finally, finally free of any connections to fitness first! only i can understand what a relief it has been! i cannot emphasize how happy i am. thanks Orange! :D

that friggin' freezing fee was the stupidest thing anyone could ever spend money on. now, i'm done with it. no more shadows of fitness first! well, except for the new backpack that Orange generously gave me. i kinda forced him to. hehe. thanks friend! i will keep that as a souvenir and as a reminder that once in my life, i believed i had the determination to work out. and it lasted for 4 months :P

Menggay, boxing na tayo! we'll enroll at that boxing gym with the cute owner. bwehehehe. motivated tayo nun!

i am experiencing the worst body clock ever. having to work at 3am is no joke, even if i'm just working from home. sometimes i'm drinking more coffee than usual. 2 cups in the morning, one at noon, and sometimes one in the evening if i feel like hanging out at a cafe. there are days/nights (depending on my body clock) when i drink coffee just minutes before going to sleep. :/ syet tamang adik eto.

like any other job, working from home has its pros and cons. i'm not that happy and i'm not complaining that much either. :) i just really miss the physical interaction with officemates. wholesome interaction po yan ha. ;)


will end this post now...

pero teka hihirit lang ako...i hate mmda!!!! $!*^@&%^!!!
yun lang.


love, nde ko matiis nde i-blog kahit one liner lang. buong weekend ko ren dinala yung poot eh :D thanks for accompanying me to their office yesterday. :)

|| survey from cher's friendster bulletin ||



o minsan lang ako sipagin mag survey. this is what i do when i'm working overtime. hehe :D


==


Are you single, married, or taken?
*** wlang "it's complicated"? haha!
dati status ko taken.
taken for granted...


Are you in love at the moment?
*** "in like"


With?
*** :)
(duday nabitin ka ba? nde ko sinagot! haha!)


Have you ever had a bad relationship?
*** it was a pseudo relationship with a con artist. does that count?


How old were you when you started dating?
*** college na yata ako nun. late bloomer.


Are you unpredictable?
*** oh yes!


Do you like surprises?
*** i like making surprises for someone.
as for me getting surprised? yep. :D (hello macro peeps! naalala ko pa ren ung going away surprise inuman session you faciliated for me. i won't ever forget that. mwah!)


You think friends can become lovers?
*** anything's possible


You think lovers can become friends?
*** uhuh. after a while though...


Have you ever had an ex you wanted to kill?
*** nde naman. gsto ko lang sakalin.


How is she/he now?
*** probably married. but one thing's for sure, he has a kid already. (you should have figured out by now why we broke up)


What is your message for him/her?
*** wala. ay meron. bat ako nde kinuhang ninang ng anak nya? hahaha!


Have you ever been hurt?
*** who hasn't?


Have you ever hurt anyone?
*** sadly, yeah


Do you forgive and forget?
*** blogged about it before. forgive, oo. it's hard to forget even if i want to...


Is love lovelier the second time around?
*** am not sure. try naten ha? :P


Fling or long term relationships?
*** no comment


Are you easy to be loved?
*** maybe...


Are you a good friend?
*** ah eto alam ko. nde? haha!
oo naman po :)


Are you sociable?
*** definitely


Do you try to please everyone?
*** nope. manigas sila.


Do you want everyone to like you?
*** nah. you can't please everybody nga eh..


What's the shortest relationship you've been in?
*** 1 week (uy cher talo kita! haha)


What would you want to say to that special
person?
*** you have to thank me. i spared you from the hurt. seriously.



okay. back to work na ko!

|| feather touch ||



every time i watch you, my eyes are filled with tenderness and ache. and my heart is filled with excitement and fear.

all at the same time.

i keep wondering what it is that connects us.
breaks us. and reconnects us.

i long to touch you. to have my fingers stroke your skin. to lightly feel the vein with blood rushing through it. it seems only by touch that i could be sure that this is real...


...that you are real.

now i can relax


well, kinda. i still have to work and render ot.
but but but....

sem break has officially begun. :D

i can now ditch my school books and resume reading novels. yey! :)
i'm gonna buy a copy of The House of Spirits by Chilean journalist/novelist Isabel Allende.

i've been hearing raves about the book. they say it's the most unexpected sensation since the emergence of Gabriel Garcia Marquez.


>><<


i'm paying a visit to the gym this week.

nooooo, i will not reactivate my membership. i'm transferring it to my friend. :D
i have given up fitness first (or any other gym) altogether. even a free membership will not appeal to me anymore. i am convinced that i am not a gym person. i'll do some other form of exercise instead. i'd rather walk or jog a thousand miles than work out at the gym. but i would want to try boxing. i tried kickboxing when i was in grade school and it was pretty good. boxing will not only help me stay fit (as if naman fit ako ngayon :P), it'll do wonders in releasing any rage i might have. so don't come near me if i'm angry aight?



>><<


i'm making one of my dreams come true today. i'll be heading to the fort after shift to try out cold rock ice cream. :D



>><<


i need help with my comments link. i used the same code and everything, and i even tried using the wizard in haloscan but it's still not working.

paging my personal blog TS people... twin? deej? mistress ice? anyone? *beautiful eyes*



>><<


hi love. ;)
i'll see you this week?

*kisses*



==

OT galore. ice cream galore.


i've been working 8 days straight now. and i won't get a rest day until after 11 days. i've sacrificed my rest days to work overtime for a special project. i don't know why i agreed to render OT.

hindi sya nakakatuwa. :( my colleagues and i are regretting our decision to work 7x a week. what the hell were we thinking???


====





cold rock ice cream is now here in manila!!!! i remember seeing this on lifestyle network and i was really hoping that we would have it here too. i even wanted to make a business similar to it. :) hehe.

hmmm...they're not offering ice cream buffet (my ultimate ice cream dream), so i guess that's the kind of business i'll engage in. ;)





the moment that Promil Kid told me about cold rock being available here, i couldn't stop thinking about it. we've scheduled a trip to The Fort to pig out, but that won't be until next week. :( ang tagaaaaaaaaal! pwede bang mauna na nga ako dun? :P

just reading about their selections made me drool:

Macadamia, White Chocolate, Aussie Vanilla, Tia Maria, Butterscotch, Caramel, Banana, Strawberry, Boysenberry, Coffee, Cookies & Cream, Double Chocolate, Chocolate Chip, Choc Mint, Rum & Raisin, Cheesecake, English Toffee, Honeycomb,
Licorice, Tiramisu.

o diba? :) wla pang mix-ins yan! i can choose from the following: Mars, Snickers, Cherry Ripe, Bounty, Crunchie, M&M's, Milky Way, Gummi Bears, Maltesers, Tim Tams, Flake, Violet Crumble, Picnic, Caramello Koalas, Marshmallows, Nerds, Sour Lollies, Sherbert, Freckles, Fudge, Kit Kat, Oreo Biscuits, Rocky Road.

i'll go on a diet next year. :P


visit the most heavenly website and drool with me!


Promil Kid, kasalanan mo to. nde ako makakatulog talaga neto eh. :)


*photos (and my anxiety) courtesy of www.coldrock.com.au


==

yen and you


bring me a banquet of reverie
of naked, uncompelled vow

a fool's paradise in your eyes
a painting of misery in mine

collecting the days so few
of shady kisses
and borrowed time

your hushed beauty
impairs me inwardly

blow mercy towards me
i crave

i ache



-- jarjar.10.07.05 --


==

enrapture


it is when you walk away
that i let the taste
return to my lips

when you have freed
the spell and passion
that immoderately touched
every surface of me

when only the humming of the sheets
and the scent of your being
penetrate my senses

then, only then,
can i selfishly absorb you
until i, alone, possess you


-- jarjar.10.04.05 --


==

second serving


so everyone made it a point to tell me the big news. clearly, they think that i'm still hung up on you.

oh.

my.

gawd.


if you ask me, i thought it was funny. really. at kulang nalang sabihin nila saken, "jarjar, this is your chance!"

i would've told them flat-out that i don't care. but some people have a ridiculous attitude of translating my nonchalance over the issue as bitterness. diba diba? ;)
this whole announcement of you being single again made me confirm that: one, i am over you. and two, that i don't dig single guys (hahaha!!!!!).

yeah. that was a joke. and if you didn't know which one, then you don't really know me that well.

if anything, i'm glad we're in speaking terms again. and maybe i will unblock you in my msn list now.



>>><<<<


over the weekend, Salam, OC and i finally tried Makati Shangri-la's Ultimate Chocolate Buffet. as expected, it was a bit pricey but it was worth it because i was with the company of great friends. bonding with my best buddies always gives me a high.

i'm a chocolate monster but buffets aren't really for me. lugi lang talaga ako parati. :P for a buffet, we didn't really eat that much. but still, Salam and OC were complaining of having upset stomachs as we left the hotel. i was the only one whose stomach wasn't grumbling the entire night. hmmm...hiyang talaga tyan ko sa tsokolate? :) dapat lang. pinaglihi ako dun eh. :D

what i wanna try next time is an cream buffet. san ba meron nun? syeeeeeeet. panalo yun. kahit mapaos paos na ko.



>>><<<<


finals week!

let's see...i have to survive the following: 2 final exams, 5 reaction papers, 1 thesis critique, 1 linguistic analysis of an editorial. and to think that i just have 2 subjects this sem! pasaway tong isang prof eh. 7 out of the 9 requirements i mentioned is just for her subject.

so forgive me if i'll be anti social this week ok. ;) i'll be in my busiest mode. and i was recently hired for the wfh vcc thing (sorry sa mga hindi maka-relate :P) too. yeah, i'm doing that on top of my other job which is like in dormant status right now. *sigh*

i can't wait for this sem to be over. i wasn't really impressed with my professors this sem. tsk tsk. my classmates and i evaluated them poorly. hey, they deserve it right? they should be ashamed. we did not enroll in the state university for nothing. at grad students na kme utang na loob. nde na kme pwede bolahin.

i am rewarding myself with a vacation this sem break. bes, i can smell BKK already! ;) am sooo looking forward to this trip!


==