|| a lovely disarray ||


i woke up in the lush space where i don't remember what i've dreamed.

but after three seconds or so, it suddenly flashed back to me. and i start having pep talks to myself.

don't dwell on it. it's all in the past. it's time to move on.

but i still dwell on it and defer moving forward -- at least for a moment. a moment so valued and true. no matter how strongly aware i am of the present, i've always considered the past as something concrete. something very palpable.

in a peculiar way i must have loved my interesting anthology of hurts. they somehow provide me with some sincere sympathy and assurance, giving me that sense of being exceptional.

i am renewing yet again.

i am the girl wounded and healed several times over. getting hurt in ways no other person has ever been. my pain and griefs are my own.

what a complicated but marvelous case i am.