does everyone really deserve a second chance?


yes?


then why am i depriving myself of that chance? i know i deserve it too. but there's this 4-letter word that's getting in the way....


fear.


i know. i have to overcome it.


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i blog about happy moments too :)


in case there was a big big BIIIIG favor you've wanted to ask from me...


NOW IS THE PERFECT TIME TO DO IT.


because most likely, i won't say no.

i am, without a doubt, in the best of moods today. :) yep, i used the word best and not just good. it is THAT extreme that even if you treat me in the nastiest way possible, i would still give you my sweetest smile and wish that my giddiness will rub off on you.


so there. take advantage. :)



amgine, don't worry sis. i may have been blogging about tough moments in my life these days, but i'm still finding reasons to smile. ako pa? :)



>><<

i spent the day girl bonding with my best friend Salam. in between bites of shrimp hakaw (our favorite!) she was saying, "dami na nateng pinagdaanan, now we're happy. siguro, sabi ni God: 'tama na muna paghihirap ng dalawang 'to. it's time for them to be happy'. God is fair talaga noh."

yes He is. Salam and i feel ultimately blessed.


i just feel like hugging everyone.



>><<

in our class last friday, the professor said: "ang taong walang problema....ay panget."

huh?

"look at Mama Mary. it is believed that agony brings out the best in you, thus, making you beautiful."

i heard someone say, "sangkatutak problema ko. kaya pala ang ganda ko eh."

that made us laugh.


==

tightly holding a rose...with thorns



seeing you now as the person that you've become, i couldn't help but shudder.
i once considered you as the only person there is to adore.

but i've grown up. i'm not that little girl anymore that you could simply amuse with your ways. back then, it was so easy to make me see you as a hero.

i know, i know, you've given me so much and there is no doubt about your intentions for me. but sometimes, i purely hated you. you have hurt me and her more than anyone could ever have.

the respect i had for you turned into terror. and when i couldn't take it anymore, i thought i'd let you know. a brazen feeling had broken loose in me. i confronted you.
and what did i get? a huge slap on my face.

after that incident, i promised myself that i would never, ever let anyone do that to me again.


one of the tough realities of being an adult: you become aware -- very much aware of the things that were being sugar coated when you were a kid. the answers to my questions were left for me to figure out. they would always say "you'll understand when you grow older".

and now i understand. and i'm dealing with it.

but just for this moment, i want to be that kid again.


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uncertainty -- the good kind



now everything seems to blur in my mind.

there's a gap. a small but very crucial gap that i need to fill.


it was hours after midnight. i stared at the sky for a long moment. i tried to find peace...

and answers.


but all i saw were dark clouds -- covering the stars.


i took it as a sign. maybe, just maybe, the answers are there, but it won't be presented to me now.

just like the way the stars are hiding at the moment. soon, they will reappear and the place will be brighter again.

...and things between us will be clear again.


i looked your way, and your smile told me that you were having exactly the same thoughts as mine.


time will fold in on itself.


==

tidbits


i was excitedly telling my mom the plans i have for my career (naks! may direction na daw ang career ko!) -- short term and long term goals. i was talking non-stop and when i paused to get her reaction, this is what she said:

"anak, baka makalimutan mo na mag-asawa".

so much for career talk.




>><<

so yeah. i'd like to believe that i'm finally going in the right direction.

all i needed was someone to have faith in me and give me a chance.
it's about time someone gave me one.

thanks LM. you won't regret this. :)
i am forever indebted to you.




>><<

don't misread the signs. i'm being too careful when i'm around you.
'cause i don't want to screw things up.

you're too special for that.


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maybe it's just human nature


why is it that after getting something (or even someone) that i've wanted for so long, i suddenly give it all up.

it's as if i never wanted it in the first place.

more often that not, this happens to me.
is this normal?


==

2 years na kame



ng blog ko. yey! :)

buti pa kame ng blog may anniv. :P here's to more blogging years!


==

something i'm not proud to be...



"c'mon. tell me."

"are you sure?"

"yep."

"i mean, are you sure you don't know why things are different now? and why i'm acting the way i'm acting towards you?"

"i don't know."

*sigh*

"what?"

"man i can't believe it."

"can't believe what?"

"i can't believe how naive you are. you don't even know that you broke my heart."

"HUH????"



while i have not exactly given up on love, there are days when i despise the thought altogether.

i've been bitter. i've been angry. i've been hurt -- all because of everything i've been through. i was so consumed with all these dreary feelings. having spent a huge amount of time nursing my broken heart gave me no chance to stop and think that for some people, i have become, in one way or another...


a heartbreaker.


i am so sorry. :/



==

i grew up believing that i have sooo many friends.

but then things happen.


and i realize that i don't have so many of them after all.



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a tribute to senator roco


this may be the first time that i am genuinely affected by the death of a politician. reading today's headlines made my heart sink.

i voted for this man for president. he was the youth's favorite and only choice for president. he was my dad's choice too because he was a fellow bicolano. his intellect was unmatched. i really believed that the way his mind works is the kind that our country needed.

it's true what they wrote about him: "he was the best president the country never had".



quoted from the Rocos:


"When I was 20, I wanted to change the world; at 30, I wanted to change my country; at 60, I realized I wanted only to change myself." -- Senator Raul Roco


"...sometimes, people become more powerful in death. Hopefully, Raul will be like that." -- Ding, Sen. Raul Roco's brother


indeed, you will be remembered as someone who planted the seeds of change.


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the F word


is there any way that i could absolutely forgive -- AND literally -- forget?

c'mon, i've forgiven you already. isn't that enough? :)


ugh. do i need to have amnesia for this?



==