my life in a coma


i am ready for anything dangerous. but it turns out that that i'm just convincing myself that i am.

in truth i still feel that something about me is stranded on a high dive, hesitant to leap into unknown waters. unsafe waters. maybe i just want to postpone the plunge awhile. i almost wish that my senses were dulled.

i am stupefied all at once how the world is out there continuously evolving. and here i am, suspended....


...yet again.



i am caught in a disturbing crevice between living my life and not living it; between taking the risk and not taking it; between letting my defenses down and building my wall; between spilling out my secret and keeping it.

crucial decisions that i have to make on my own. ON. MY. OWN. and with no consultations taking place. even if every bone in my body tells me that i have to talk to someone for advice, i just couldn't do it. i don't know where or how to start. i prefer letting my tears fall without anyone seeing it happen. crying had become a very private moment in the comforts of my room or in the familiar feel in my car.

either i head straight forward or stumble backward. i only hope that i get to make a decision soon -- whatever that may be.


==

i pray that God would give me patience. because if He gave me strength, i swear i would have broken at least your nose.
i would have used that strength for all the evil reasons.


>><<

i realized that it's hard to forgive an enemy.

harder to forgive a friend.

hardest to forgive a family member.



==

in your rhythm


despite steady pretense
and lavish masquerade
nothing
conceals the inner agony

in your presence
lingers
a whiff of comfort

only you
captures me
breathes me


and all is understood



--jarjar.09.09.05--



==

Salam's Day


happy birthday to the one and only legit princess i know! (that's not a nick or anything -- Salam is really a princess by blood)

here's to more years of wonderful friendship that will give us more "do you remember the time when..." conversations. :D hehe.
my life has truly been more exultant ever since we became friends.


pano ba yan, one year to go nalang...at mag ppropose ka na. :P


pics from the (soloflight?) dinner turned coffee turned spontaneous gimmick slash your birthday celebration last friday (haba nun ah!). at sinuyod na yata naten buong ortigas nun! we were hopping from one place to the next!




how many people can say that their best friend is a princess? :)



squeeze in!



the princess with the twins



kame ulet



the birthday girl, with 3 friends who were only on lunch break that night. buhay call center! so dynamic!



girls, i miss our Dome breakfast days...



bes cguro soul mates din tayo. haha!


thanks bes. you've always been the first person to support me in anything i do. :) at tuwa naman ako boto ka kay....hehe.... ;) gimmick tayong tatlo one of these days...



love you!


==

if you have nothing better to do tomorrow night, tune in to Monster Radio RX 93.1 at 8:30 pm.

listen closely, because one of the guests' voice belongs to someone you might just know. ;)



==

cocoy


for making me laugh...
for drying my tears...
for giving me comfort...
for being my walking journal...
for making fun of my being jumpy (tamang pang scary movie talaga ko eh!)...
for the numerous times you've accompanied me to starbucks and 31st...
for all the nonsense and wacky moments...
for all the serious and enlightening talks...
for making my 26th birthday memorable by bringing the entire MMIT team (kasama si crush! hehe)...
for making sure that i'm doing just fine (thanks to my blog noh! hehe)...


thank you. :)


i will miss you terribly. i can't believe that i won't be seeing you again until after 10 years or so! *sigh* i'm glad that rinier and i drove you to the airport on the day of your flight. ganun ka namen ka love. *sniff* with the exception of family members, you're the only person that i've accompanied to the airport. :)

basta coy, pag malungkot ka, just think about the 360 perry ellis perfumed tissue story . :D

have a wonderful life in Utah. your friends back here in Manila will always be praying for you and your family.


some of our pics...



sykes party at picc



when i'm not working, i'm bugging you at your office :)



sorry i couldn't fulfill your threesome fantasy, hanggang picture lang tayong 3! :P



saying our last goodbyes at the NAIA



ingat ka palagi coy. you keep in touch ok. and i will fulfill my promise -- that the next time we meet, i already have a kid. ;) and hopefully a husband too. :)


ps,
naiiyak na naman ako coy...


==

chestnuts roasting on an open fire



pasko naaaa!!!!!!

well, malapit na. :)

it's that time of the year again. days seem to go by faster during the last 4 months of the year.

at tatanda na naman ako ng isang taon.


==