life after goodbye


it's painful enough to say goodbye. what's worse is when i don't know whether or not i'd be seeing you again.

what happens after goodbye?


i am standing here. on a fine line between holding on and giving up.
it doesn't matter what i choose because in the end, it all hurts just the same.

the magic is gone.

this is exactly the same way i felt when i was a little girl -- the time when i found out that there was no santa clause.

so now i know. there is no you.

or maybe there is. s-o-m-e-d-a-y.

so if there really is such a thing as a next lifetime, then i'm willing to die now.

during those times, i wasn't avoiding you. i just had to stay away for a while.

i was not abandoning you or our friendship. you see, i was not quitting.
i was coping.

why?


because i couldn't look at you without my heart breaking.

"life is a stage, and you are the main act"



it all boils down to this:
i can only depend on myself.

absolutely no one but myself.

i simply do not understand the reason -- or the absence of reason -- why people hurt me. what the hell is their motive?

no man is an island, i know. but it is during these times that i choose to be alone. i choose not to be too trusting anymore; to question every move that these people make; to raise my eyebrows everytime they ask something from me; to dismiss every single bit of compliment they throw at me; to keep my secrets confined to my soul and no one else's.

i'd rather not invest 100% of my trust in them rather than be disappointed of having been betrayed in the end.

there comes a point in your life when you feel that no one on this planet genuinely cares about you. and when that time comes, you have to be ready.

so i am slowly building that wall again. and i don't know when i'd be ready to let the wall be taken down...but i am certain that it won't be anytime soon.

no, i am not lonely. it's just i'm being more careful. i just want to protect myself because no one will do it for me.

i've been caring and loving too much for others that my own happiness has been sacrificed too many times. things will change soon -- and you bet it's for the better.

it's about time to aim the spotlight on me.

sleepless at cafe adriatico


S: "ngayon alam mo na. kahit ilang beses ka binigyan ng advice noon, wlang kwenta yun. bulag ka kung bulag ka. you wouldn't have listened to us anyway because you didn't know if we were right or wrong."

K: "oo nga. pero malinaw na lahat ngayon. and i don't need any piece of advice from others. it's true -- mauuntog ka nalang isang araw. and you'll realize what's best for you all on your own...
...ALL ON MY OWN."

S: "nangyari na. nasaktan ka. just be thankful that it all happened."

K: "yup. no regrets." *smiles*



>><<

"you can have it all. you just can't have it all at one time."
-- quoted from one of the people i admire most: Oprah Winfrey


>><<

yung kaaway ko, plastic pa ren.

kebs na.

seething mad


there should be a huuuuuge line that separates work from personal issues. but people like you keep crossing that line unceasingly.

but you wouldn't know about such line, would you? oh! why am i not surprised.
and do you also know what professionalism means?? oh wait, do you even know how that word is spelled???!??!?!

#&!^@&*@!!#&$!!!!!

you are soooo lucky that someone stopped me from confronting you today. i should have made a scene. and it should have been a good one.

kung sinampal kita kanina pumanget ka. LALO.

every time i get sick with my job, i look at the bright side -- the people. and they may be the only reason why i'm still here.

not until today.

now, one by one, they are turning into monsters.

i don't know whom to trust anymore.

isa lang talaga napatunayan ko...nagkalat ang backstabbers sa mundong ito.


"....'cause where I lay my trust in others, where it lies the ground is thin..."

i don't want to be


I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I'm trying to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me

--> I don't want to be, Gavin deGraw



i am sooo loving this song. yun lang :) i love watching one tree hill too. haaay...danda danda ni brooke at haley! pewcha nattibo na yata ako ah....

sembreak's here! thank God. :D i had to cram for my projects last sunday. yep, sleep deprived by choice! i should've had more time in my hands had i not watched my teammates play bowling last saturday. but the bonding we had that day made all my sacrifices definitely worth it. and nothing beats talking to people who haven't had any sleep. if you heard us talking, you'd think we were drunk. wla talaga kmeng sense kausap nun!




at Powerbowl. getting ready for the game.



papano na kaya kme kung nde naimbento ang camera



at Dencio's Rockwell. borlogs nalang. almost 24 hrs na kmeng gising



rooftop view. posing with my model friend clyde ;) bagay ba kme? hehe



salam and jarjar. syempre nde kumpleto pag wlang pic ang mag best friend

nuninuninuninu...........


yes, i make these sacrifices without asking or expecting anything in return. it's all out of love. but there are instances that you really make it easy for me to hate you. and that makes me think. hard. really hard.

simpleng katangahan na magsakripisyo para sa wala. OO. alam ko yun. pero anong ginawa ko?????

years from now, i will look back to this day and just laugh it all off.

kung baket ba kse nde pwedeng maging wa-is sa buhay at pag ibig at the same time. baket? bakeeeet????

but you gotta give me some credit. i've been exerting effort to help myself...


...but not as much as i should.


*deep sigh*