bittersweet solitude


what hooked me to blogging was the idea that i'd actually have a place where i can cast out my emotions -- be it positive or negative. and so i've never seen my blog as something with a purely melancholic theme.

until my friend O.C. told me this:
"maybe if you stop blogging, you'll stop being depressed."

huh? are you saying that i only blog about the most somber moments of my life?

well, perhaps that IS true.

if i would brood through my pages, most of things i wrote about were far from anything exciting. MOST, but not all. and so i still wouldn't consider this as a blog filled with depressing thoughts.

like any other person, i am constantly learning. and had it not been for the all the pain i've experienced, i will not grow. writing, aside from cooking, is my favorite therapy. after typing whatever's in my heart and whatever's on my mind, i actually feel better. and that feeling is anything but dismal.

O.C usually sees me blogging with a sad face. sometimes my eyes are even filled with tears. i know he made that comment because for the past few days, i haven't been smiling. i still do, but my smiles and laughters are half hearted. you will not see a twinkle in my eyes.


i am lonely.

the loneliness is palpable.

and i really need a hug right now. a warm hug. one that feels like home.