starved soul


it's not only that i'm getting sick of my job. there's something more. i really can't complain, everything about my job is manageable. but it has become so routinary. i am finding less and less reasons to get out of bed to get ready for work. i practically drag myself to go to the office.

i always knew that i would eventually take up further education -- an M.A. and probably a PhD too. i figured that i wouldn't apply until 2005 or so. but 2 weeks ago, i have decided -- almost abruptly -- to FINALLY start my M.A. Studies this June. and i am convinced that the reason for my hasty decision is my constant quest to challenge myself. if i can't find enough challenge inside the office, i have to find it elsewhere. i will lose my over all zest for life if i am generally bored.

i filed my resignation on that very same day that i decided to pursue my M.A. Studies. my parents thought it best that i stay away from graveyard shift work while studying. but when i think of the financial independence that i'm about to give up once i become a full time student...uh-oh..im having second thoughts. i am not the same young daughter who is waiting for her allowance. and i guess i have been given a sign (a clear answer is more like it) in this new decision -- my father said something that almost literally made me hear that "ting ting ting" in my ear. i don't want to burden my family in terms of money. i want to be of help. i don't want any unnecessary confrontations in the future.

my manager was nice enough to tell me that there'd be no problem if i change my mind about my leaving. i felt flattered -- but not entirely convinced to reconsider staying. i told her that i will decide until tomorrow. i'm giving this more thought especially after she told me today that Q.A. dept. was asking her if i was still interested in the position i applied for.

i know better. my thirst for knowledge could not be the answer to what's bothering me -- that nagging feeling that there's a certain void inside me that i don't know what could fill. i am a starved sould. i could do all things, get all things -- sometimes even more than i deserve -- and yet i'd still feel deprived. so deprived. and lonely.

Twin and i were discussing about this loss of interest and motivation in our work...and these feelings were what broke my "writer's block" (if i had any writer's character to begin with). she walked over to my desk, and when she got the chance to sit on my chair..she typed the following on this blog draft im working on:


I'm bored....
I'm tired..
I wanna resign
I wanna go to the beach..I wanna travel..
I wanna get laid...
I wanna be happy...

bow


hehe..now that made me smile...and it made me feel normal. im not alone.